Let It Go
by jva88
Summary: AU."I'm 14 million miles away from sane...It's just a trip not a way to ease your pain. This is not a way to ease your pain. Stay cool everything is going to be okay." Brooke/Lucas dark story
1. Drop

**Let It Go**

**Prolouge **

**Drop**

**The flip side of sanity is the game**

**I'm 14 million miles away**

**I'm 14 million miles away  
away from sane**

He watched her go. He watched her take those steps to the front door. He watched as she turned to give one last look at him. He saw nothing but disappointment and sadness on her face. He watched as she had packed her suitcases. He just watched her walk out his front door. He didn't even try to stop her. He just sat there on the floor leaning up against the coach like a hopeless little puppy. He knew she tried everything in her power to fix him but he pushed her away. Everyday he pushed her more and more away until she finally had enough. She had enough and walked out on him. There was nothing left she could do for him.

Hearing the door slam shut he grabbed a hold of the couch and stumbled a little as he pulled himself up. He was shaking a little as he made his way to his bedroom over to his drawer. He opened the top drawer and grabbed his folded up boxers and through them over his head and did the same with his socks until he finally saw it. His blotters. He tried to stop it. He tried to stop taking it but it felt so good to him. It took him away from things. Acid is known to be non – addictive but for some reason he couldn't' stop. That drug is what pushed so many people out of his life. And finally, tonight, it pushed away the most important person in his life. He was more alone than ever now and all he had now to kill the pain was right in front of him.

He grabbed one of the blotters and closed the drawer and then turned his back to it. He put one of the blotters under his tongue and stood against the drawer and slowly started making his way down to the floor. After having it ten minutes later under his tongue so the drug could get to his bloodstream faster he swallowed it. He ran his hand through his hair and took a few deep breathers.

An hour later he was sweating profusely as he paced the floor of the living room. His heart was beating fast and he suddenly felt angry. He was angry that she left. His hands were trembling and he couldn't stop fidgeting with his fingers. He was breathing heavily now and shut his eyes hard. He made his way over to the shelf in the living room where picture frames were placed. There was a small vase with different colored flowers next to them and it caught his eye. The colors jumped at him and he stared at them deeply and with his shaking hand began to touch the petals of one. It felt soft against his fingertips. He tore the petal off and let it fall to the floor his eyes not leaving the flower though. He continued to do that until there were no petals left.

It was like his relationship. The flower represented his relationship and the petals represented days and pulling them off was each day that went by and when there were none left it was over. His relationship was over just like there was no flower to look at anymore.

His eyes made their way over to the picture frame next to the vase. His index finger grazed over the picture of the young and beautiful girl. He smiled for a moment but suddenly his mood changed completely and he grabbed a hold of the picture frame and through it across the room. It hit the wall and fell to the floor broken.

The room started to feel as if it were spinning to him. The lamp lights kept flashing around him and then thats when it came. He started vomiting. It went all over his clothing and all over the floor. As it came up more he held himself up by holding onto the shelf next to him. Once he felt like there was nothing left to throw up he simply wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and wiped his hand against his jeans.

He was about ready to pass out and he made his way to the front door thinking it was his bedroom. He didn't open it though he simply stood there for a few moments and then just slowly made his way to the floor. He curled up into a ball and was shaking. His pupils were widely dilated and his eyes stayed opened for another hour and then finally he fell asleep.

Lucas Scott is 22 years old. He felt and couldn't be more alone in his life than he is right now. His girlfriend, Brooke Davis, just walked out on him after being together for four years. She had been there for him for so many years and now she just couldn't do it anymore. She tried and tried and could never get through to him. They'd gone through so much and it was all lost hours earlier.

Lucas didn't do a thing to stop Brooke from leaving. He just watched her go. He watched Brooke, the love of his life and the most important person in his life walk out of his life.

* * *

**I know. I shouldn't be writing another story when I have others that are not completed but this idea just popped in my head and I had to write it. It's very different. It's going to be a dark story and lots of angst. I hope I portrayed the drug LSD good enough. I did my best. I hope you continue reading. Please review if you can. I really would love to know your thoughts. **

**Vanessa**


	2. Mistakes

A/N: First want to thank **Brucas2006** and **Tash** for reviewing also for those who put the story on their alert list. Second, in my profile you can see the link for the banner to this story as well as a link to the promo/trailer video to this story. And lastly thanks to everyone reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please please leave a review. I really want to know what you think.

Oh and also if you can pimp my fic out to any BL fans that you know. I'll really appreciate it.

**Chapter 1**

**Mistakes**

**I need some time to make my way  
Through all this empathy  
I make no claims on why today  
Was never meant to be  
**

Tears streamed down her face as she drove away from her house that she shared with him. She tried so hard to get him through it. She really did. She was the only person he had left. He already had pushed his brother away and his brother's wife who was also his best friend. He was so stubborn; never listening to any of them, causing them to walk out of his life one by one. He told her to stop worrying so much that everything would be fine. He lied to her telling her he had stopped. She came home early from her trip and found him passed out with his blotter paper next to him. She searched his drawers and there it was more more acid and not only that but ecstasy tablets as well. That moment she knew she couldn't do anything else to help him.

Hours later he woke up and saw her packing her things. He asked her what she was doing and her eyes diverted to the drawer and he looked at it and saw his acid and ecstasy placed at the top of the drawer. She told him that she couldn't live her life like that anymore. Always taking care of him when he would be throwing up or having a bad trip. Crying everyday because she was scared that he might end up dead. He made her life so hard. She hated the fact that she was walking out on him but she couldn't do anything to help anymore. She couldn't change him. He had to be willing to be the one to change. It wasn't up to her. It was up to him.

She zipped up her suitcase and grabbed the handle and walked of their bedroom. He followed sluggishly behind her and stopped at the couch. She continued walking not looking back and he dropped to the floor and sat against the couch. She turned to look at him and walked over to him. She knelt down to be at eye level with him and kissed the side of his forehead.

"You know I'll always love you, Lucas but I just can't do this anymore. I can't try to change you or fix you. It's all left up to you. I'm sorry" she choked out as tears threatened her eyes. She waited to see if he would say something to her but he stared on blankly in front him. She sighed and stood up and began walking towards the door and opened it. She looked over her shoulder one last time to see if he'd say anything but nothing. No words escaped his mouth.

She pulled up into the driveway of the house she always went to after a blow out with Lucas. She wiped her tears away and redid her eye makeup as she looked into the rear mirror. Her eyes were still red from all the crying. She stepped out of her car and then went to her trunk and to get her suitcases. She walked the pathway to the front door and rang the doorbell. Her best friend's boyfriend answered it with a smile but his smile quickly fell when he saw Brooke.

"I can't do it anymore" she choked out "I just can't" she said before breaking down in a shower of tears. She let go of her bags and they dropped to the ground and fell into his arms. She buried her head into his shoulder and he embraced her. He softly moved his hand up and down her back to try to calm her.

"Hey, hey it's going to be okay Brooke" he said lullingly. They had stayed like that for about three minutes and then he spoke again. "Come on, Peyton's inside. You can explain everything" he suggested and he felt her nod against him. "I'll get your stuff" he said pulling away from her. She walked passed him and he grabbed her bags and took them in shutting the door with his foot.

She made her way over to the couch and sat down with her head buried in her hands. She still couldn't fathom she had just left Lucas. Lucas Scott the first boy she ever loved and the only boy she ever wanted to. He meant the world to her and always pictured them together always. They'd known each other all through high school and finally the summer before senior year they decided to start dating. They had always been attracted to each other and Brooke knew that Lucas was the one for her the moment she first felt his lips on hers. Everything was going great. It was as if nothing could ever go wrong but a year in half into their relationship everything changed. Things happened to Lucas and he still has yet to beat all those battles and inner demons.

"Brooke?" Peyton said aloud as she walked into her living room "Brooke, what happened?" she said taking a seat next to Brooke wrapping her arms around her best friend. Brooke didn't say anything she just cried as Peyton rocked her back and forth slowly. "I'm here for you okay. Don't you worry about a thing" Peyton assured her. Brooke finally pulled away after a good ten minutes of being comforted by Peyton. Peyton wiped away Brooke's tears and waited for her to speak.

Brooke took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair. "He told me he was going to stop. He told me he was done with the drugs, Peyton" she cried "I came home early from California and I walk into the bedroom and he's passed out and he has his fucking acid right next to him!"

"Brooke, I'm so sorry."

"Oh and that's not all. I got the urge to search his things and he had ecstasy in his drawer" she scoffed. "I didn't know what else too do. There's so much I could take you know" a tear escaped the corner of her eye "You know I've tried and tried to help him. I've been there through all the rough times. I was the only one who stayed with him. Everyone gave up on him and I stayed there with him! I was there all those nights he was puking the whole night. I was there the nights he tried to hurt himself. I was there through all of it. I took care of him!" she yelled as she pointed to herself "Doesn't he know he's killing himself! I've tried to knock some sense into him but he won't listen to me." she was sobbing now "I don't want to lose him, Peyton but I don't know what else to do..."

"We're both here for you, Brooke. We know you're going through a tough time right now and you need your friends."

"Jake's right." Peyton said as she looked over at her boyfriend who sat across from them. "You won't be alone in this"

Brooke nodded "You should've seen him though when I left...my heart was breaking. I didn't want to leave him like that. He didn't say a word to me. He stayed quiet and was sitting on the living room just staring blankly at the door. He didn't even try to stop me." Brooke thought for a moment "I should go back to check on him. Someone needs to check up on him. How could I be so stupid! I just left him there with those drugs. What if he overdoses?!"

"Brooke, calm down, honey" Peyton soothed and looked over at Jake "Babe, call Nathan and tell him to check up on his brother"

"Peyton, you know they don't talk anymore. They haven't talked in nearly a year. Nathan won't want to go." Brooke told her and stood up breaking away from Peyton "I need to go back"

"Brooke sit down." Peyton said in a firm tone and grabbed her best friend's hand and pulled her down "You're staying here okay. You don't need to go back to that. You've done all that you can. Nathan and Luke might have not seen each other in nearly a year but Luke is still his brother. He'll go check up on Lucas. I promise." Peyton said as she looked at Brooke in the eyes not breaking contact.

"I'll go call him now" Jake said getting up from his seat and walking out of the living to get his phone.

Peyton brushed away a lock of Brooke's hair out of her face. "You're human, Brooke, there's only so much you could do. I've seen you take care of that boy for so long. You were always worrying about him and you didn't take any time for yourself. Like you said you've done what you can and you had enough"

"I'm giving up on him Peyton... I don't want to give up on him. I told him I would always be there for him no matter what. God! I'm a horrible person"

"No." she said firmly "Don't say that, Brooke. You are not a horrible person. You're the most selfless and caring person I know. You always put Lucas as your top priority. You've been by his side for years now waiting for him to change, to make a change. You reach a certain point where enough is enough. You can't keep dealing with him. You're young, you're beautiful and you need to start living Brooke Davis."

Brooke had no response to that. She knew Peyton probably right but she couldn't let go of Lucas like that. She did know she needed to be away for a little while. A part of her felt guilty for leaving him like that. It was just too hard for her now.

"Nathan is going to go check up on him, Brooke" Jake said as he returned to the living room.

"You see. I told you he would go" Peyton said as she placed her hand on Brooke's knee and gave it a small squeeze.

Brooke gave a weak smile as she looked at Peyton and then to Jake "Thanks" she said "I think I want to go ahead and lie down is that okay?" she asked.

"Of course" Peyton said with a smile

Jake spoke, "I put your bags in the guest room. You can stay here as long as you need to okay." Brooke nodded. She gave one last hug to Peyton and then got up and gave a hug to Jake and thanked them again for everything they're doing.

Brooke walked down the hall and made walked into the first bedroom on the right. Her suitcases were on top of the bed. She pulled them off and then she laid down. Only thoughts of Lucas ran through her mind. She never imagined that at the age of 22 she would be where she was, feeling the way she was feeling. She always pictured she'd be engaged to Lucas by now and he would be a best selling author and she would have her own boutique. She pictured they'd be happy and having the time of their lives. Her life was the complete opposite. She wasn't engaged to Lucas. He wasn't a best selling author and she was far from being happy but she did have her boutique which would hopefully keep her busy to keep her mind off Lucas.

Nathan took a deep breath before knocking on Lucas' front door. He hadn't spoken to his older brother in almost a year. He had tried to help his brother get back on track with life. Brooke had begged him to do what he could to get through to Lucas but nothing he said helped. Lucas kept shutting him out but Nathan still came around not wanting to give up on his brother. The last time he saw him though, Lucas had pushed Nathan over the edge. They were having yet another argument about Lucas going to rehab but he kept saying he didn't need to. He said that he could stop when ever he wanted to. That the drugs weren't controlling his life. Nathan of course didn't believe him. He wanted to take action so he barged into his bedroom and then found a vile that Lucas' acid. Lucas yelled at him and told him that he better give it back to him but Nathan refused too. That's when Lucas' fist connected with Nathan's jaw knocking him down to the floor. "_Stay the fuck out of my life._" Nathan could still hear the words clearly. Lucas had said it with so much anger and disdain. "_If that's what you want then fine. Consider me out of your life_" It's what Nathan had responded to Lucas before storming out and slamming his door shut.

Nathan knocked on the door twice and waited but no one came to answer it. He turned the knob to see if it would open and sure enough it did. He called out Lucas' name as he entered and this his eyes caught sight of the man below him. He could smell the vomit from his clothes and he could see he hadn't shaved in days. He was breathing though which was the important part. Nathan closed the door behind him. He peeked in the living room and saw a huge puddle of vomit and a bunch of flower petals on the floor. The place was a mess there was Chinese take out boxes that were still half full but had to be days old. He walked over pass the couch and saw a picture frame on the floor. He picked it up and the glass had been shattered. He found it rather funny seeing as the girl in the photo was Brooke and just like the shattered picture frame so was her heart.

Nathan took a deep breath while scanning the living room once more and he shook his head. "What the hell happened to you, Lucas?" he said to himself. He walked over to where Lucas was and helped him up. Nathan put Lucas' arm around his neck and did his best to hold him up as he walked a very drowsy Lucas to his bed. Reaching the bed, Nathan laid Lucas on it and he turned a bit in his sheets.

Lucas kept his eyes closed as he spoke. "Brooke? I knew you'd come back" his eyes slowly began to open and let a few seconds pass by so his vision would get clear. As he saw the person standing in front of him wasn't Brooke it frightened him and he quickly sat up. "What the fuck? Where's Brooke! Why are you here?! What the fuck are you doing here, Nathan!" he yelled. "Brooke's suppose to be here. Where's Brooke?" he said in a softer tone. "I need Brooke" his voice cracked and he felt the lump in his throat form. Seeing his brother this way broke Nathan's heart. Lucas grabbed a pillow and held it tightly close to his body as he went to lie back down. Tears were streaming down his face now "Brooke" he said in a whisper. "Please come back to me." he closed his eyes "I'll be better this time. I promise. I won't let you down. You can trust me now" he continued talking as if Brooke were really there and had forgotten Nathan was present. "Don't worry anymore pretty girl. Just show me a smile and you'll heal me"

That was the last thing Lucas said before falling back to sleep. Nathan ran his hand through his hair not believing what just happened. He was scared that Lucas was really losing it. "You were suppose to be someone, Luke. You were suppose to do something with your life. You were going to be a best selling author and you were going to ask Brooke to marry you. Do you remember that?" Nathan spoke to Lucas as if he were awake and listening. He knew he wasn't but it didn't stop him from continuing. "We need you back, Luke. The old you. Brooke needs you the most. You need to get better not only for her but for yourself too. Come back to us Luke." Nathan finished saying as he sighed and he spent the rest of his time cleaning up Lucas' mess.

**Don't let me go  
Pure emotion is telling you so  
Then I'm saved  
Don't let me go**


	3. Tomorrow

A/N: I want to say thanks to all my reviewers: Brucas2006, silverfoxx01, BPD and LES, whiters, bluespirit, TypoKween, Sarah, broodyprettygirl, and Serena. And I hope you enjoy the next chapter and please review if you can.

**Chapter 2**

**Tomorrow**

**Will You Cry From All The Drugs I Took**

**Will Be my Little Come Down Hook **

**And I'll Ask Again**

**Will I Wake Up Feeling Half Of You**

**Has Been Striped Or Torn In Two**

He looked around as he awoke from his deep sleep. Everything that happened the day before was such a blur. He had a pounding headache and thoughts scattered his mind. He scanned his room and it was all in order. He ran his hand through his hair as he propped himself up on the bed. He took a deep breath and then climbed out of bed. Walking into the bedroom he saw a picture of Brooke laying on the table against the wall; a picture that use to be in a frame on the shelf. He picked it up and grazed it with his thumb. He started remembering bits and pieces from the day before now. He remembered seeing Brooke walking out the door. He remembered not stopping her. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a man's voice.

Nathan stood against the wall across the room near the kitchen. "You really messed up, man. You know that."

"Where's Brooke?" he demanded as she set the picture back down.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. As long as she's not here with you she'll be fine."

"What are you doing here? When I said stay out of my life I meant it."

Nathan began to walk towards him "I'm here to help you, man. You're my brother and I know we had a falling out but you need help. I know some screwed up shit has happened in your life but it's been 2 in half years, Luke. You need to move on and you need to let go."

"I don't need your help" he said angrily clenching his jaw. "It was a slip up, okay."

"That's bullshit. You're a fucking drug addict. You've pushed everyone who cares about you away even Brooke. That girl loves you man and you fucked it up. She has been with you since the beginning. She believed in you. She believed you could change and now you even pushed her away. It's time to get your life back on track"

"Look, man" Lucas said as he poked Nathan in the shoulder rather hard. "Brooke's going to be back. I know she will. I don't care about anyone else. My life is perfectly fine so why don't you stop worrying about me turn around and walk out the front door."

Nathan clenched his teeth and then grabbed a hold of Lucas by the shoulder "You have a problem! Brooke is not coming back! What the fuck don't you get? She's been so self-fish putting her life on hold to always be taking care of you. You don't deserve her."

Lucas broke away from Nathan's grip and brought his arm back and connected his fist with Nathan's jaw. Hearing Nathan say that he didn't deserve Brooke made him furious. Him and Brooke were meant to be. Lucas believed that. Every relationship has its ups and downs and this was just a little bump in the road so to speak.

"What the hell!" he heard Nathan yell. "God! It's so fucking hard to deal with your shit. Don't you get I'm trying to help you and you make it so fucking difficult."

"And don't you get that I don't need your help! Get the fuck out of my house, Nate!"

Nathan turned around and grabbed his jacket that he had placed on the couch earlier. With out looking back once he stormed out of his brother's house.

Lucas went to find his cell phone and dialed Brooke's number. He placed it to his ear and heard it ring and ring but she didn't answer. He tried two more times and each time failed. He threw his phone against the wall in frustration. He changed out of his shirt that reeked of vomit and threw it on the floor and then grabbed a clean shirt from his drawer. He then changed out of his jeans and boxers and put on clean ones. He went to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't look good. He hadn't shaved and had a lot of scruff. His hair was getting long and his eyes were empty. He turned the faucet on listened as the water fell from it for a few moments. He cupped his hands and let water fall into them and then he splashed his face.

He knew that Brooke had three different options of a place to stay. There was Nathan and Haley's place , Jake and Peyton's, or Rachel's. He got into his car and drove passed Nathan's but there was no sight of her car. He then drove pass Rachel's and still no sign of her car. His last stop was Peyton and Jake's; as he pulled up he spotted the baby blue Beetle that belonged to his girlfriend. At least he hoped she was still his girlfriend.

He stared at the ground as he dragged his feet to the front door of the house. He rang the doorbell repeatedly three times. He heard a voice from the inside and then heard footsteps coming closer to the door. When it was open Brooke's best friend stood before him. She was shocked at first to see him but then shook her head in disappointment.

"Let me see her" he said to her.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Luke." she replied in a soft tone.

He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. "I said let me see her." he told her in a more serious tone now. "I need to talk to her."

"Luke, she's had enough. You've hurt her so much. I hurts seeing _my_ best friend so broken. Brooke is really something, you know that, and she really cares about you and loves you and you're ruined everything. She deserves better."

He scoffed. "People really need to stop saying that" He looked up for a few moments and then back into Peyton's eyes. "Look, Sawyer, if you don't let me see her I'm just going to push my way in so you might as well just agree to it before this gets ugly."

"I think you should go, now."

"I'm not leaving until I see Brooke" he said as he started making his way forward and wanted to nudge his way inside but Peyton blocked his way. "Let me in, Peyton!" he yelled. And with all his force he pushed opened the door but caused Peyton to fall back.

"Peyton?" Jake called out and then saw the sight of his girlfriend on the floor and Lucas towering over her with a regretful expression on his face. "What the fuck, man!" Jake said shoving Lucas and then kneeling down next to Peyton. "You okay, baby" he said as he stroked her back.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine don't worry." she said getting up from the floor with Jake's help. "I think you've caused enough trouble here, Lucas. I suggest you leave now" she said with fairly no emotion.

" Peyton I didn't mean to." he said seeming sincere "I, I, I'm sorry" he was fidgeting with his fingers.

"Luke, could you please just get the fuck out of my house" Jake demanded as he pointed his finger towards the door.

"God damn it let me see her!" he yelled. At that moment he saw her reaching the bottom of the stairs. He rushed over to her taking her in a desperate hug but she didn't wrap her arms around him. "Baby, baby I'm so sorry." he kept telling her and she broke away from him. "Brooke..." Brooke turned to Jake and Peyton and they both understood she wanted to speak to Lucas alone so they nodded and went to another room. Lucas spoke again when he saw the couple was gone. " Baby don't be mad please"

Brooke clasped her hands together and turned away from him to think for a few seconds. She turned back to face him and placed a hand on his upper arm. "Lucas..." she choked out "I can't keep living like this. I love you so much you know that but it's too hard. I tried to help you and you accepted my help and you seemed fine but I go out of town and I come back and see you're doing drugs again. Why?" she questioned as tears stung her eyes.

"Brooke, I didn't mean to. I just felt so alone and so sad and so out of place. I don't know. I'm so sorry. You have to forgive me"

The lump in her throat was growing "I can't" she barely made out in a whisper. "I can't do this anymore. You and me. I just don't think I can do this anymore. It's killing me. I want to be there for you so bad I do but it's too hard"

"No, don't say that, Brooke. Don't say that. You're the only person I have. You're what I need. You can help me through this. I know you can. You need to just try a little harder, okay. We both do. I believe you can do this. You've always been there for me"

Her heart was breaking into a million pieces as she heard him say these words to her. His eyes were getting watery. They were filled with pain and sadness and hopelessness. She didn't want to give up on him she really didn't but she felt that there was nothing left for her to do. He was right too. She had always been there. She was there during his angry outbursts trying to calm him down. She was there during his bad trips panicking trying to help him understand what reality was. And she was there that one night he wanted to take his life. That was probably the worse night of both their lives. She had never felt more scared in her life.

"Lucas..." she sighed looking down at the floor.

"Brooke, please" he begged. "I love you, Brooke so much." a tear was escaping through the corner of his eye "I just...I just can't live with out you, Brooke. You're my rock. You will keep strong. Brooke, I need you" he cried. "Lets make this work okay."

"Luke, you know I love you" she said to him with tears now rolling down her cheeks "but I-"

Lucas was now sobbing and he cut her off "No! Brooke please. This can't end. We can't end, not like this." H e started slumping down to the floor and he wrapped his arms around his legs and rocked back and forth like a child who crying because they didn't get what they want. "Don't leave me, Brooke. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me" he continued sobbing.

She covered her mouth with her hand as tears streamed down her face. She knelt down beside him and wrapped her arms around the broken boy. She held him close to her body so tightly making sure he'd understand she wasn't going to let go. To let him know he could feel safe in her arms.

"Shh. Luke, it's going to be okay" she cried softly "I'm here okay. I'm still here." she said to him. She held him for several minutes as he cried.

Lucas had now fallen asleep on the bed in the guest room. She took him up there and stayed with him until he drifted off. Even when he slept he didn't look at peace. The expression on his face was still sad and it wasn't the face of the Lucas Scott she knew back in high school. He had changed so much since then.

She placed a kiss on his temple and quietly exited the room closing the door behind her trying not to make any noise. She made her way downstairs into the kitchen and joined Jake and Peyton on the table. She rested her head on the table. Peyton scooted closer to her and rubbed her back up and down softly.

"How's he holding up?" she asked concerned.

"I'm so sorry" Brooke said raising her head from the table "I'm sorry to both of you. You don't need me to bring my problems into your house."

"Look at me Brooke" Jake said and waited for her eyes to lock with his "You didn't bring your problems into this house. Lucas is the one who came over uninvited, okay. This isn't your fault. You understand"

"Yeah, Brooke this isn't your fault" Peyton agreed and Brooke nodded.

"I'm sorry about him pushing you down" Brooke told her not making eye contact.

"I know he didn't mean to. It was just with the force he used to open the door. It really is okay."

"What am I suppose to do? I can't leave him. I just can't. No way. If I did and something happened I wouldn't forgive myself. I'd blame myself for it so much. I need to stick by him. Stay by his side until he can get through this."

"You've done so much for him already, Brooke" Peyton told her "You tried for him to go to rehab and those support groups. You tried to do it _yourself_ and nothing gets through to him. What more do you expect to do?"

"Yeah, I agree with Peyton, Brooke. You really need to think about what you decide to do. Do you really believe he can change?"

Brooke stayed silent after hearing Jake's question. She didn't know what to believe anymore. So many of her dreams were now gone and everything just seemed to be falling apart. Lucas had become her number one priority the past 2 in half years. Everything else in her life came after him.

"I don't know" she let out in a soft voice. "I love him with all my heart and I really want to give up right now. I want to give up so bad. I just want to let him go completely but there is a part of me that keeps holding on. There is a part of me that still believes. I just need to try as hard as I can to help him overcome what ever obstacles he needs to overcome to get peace of mind"

"I really admire you Brooke. You have no idea." a voice said entering the kitchen causing the three seated at the table to turn their heads. "I don't know how you do it."

Brooke got up out of her seat and walked over to the raven hair colored boy and hugged him tightly. She then looked over to his wife and embraced her in a hug as well.

"Nathan, what happened last night? How was he?" she asked him eagerly awaiting his answer. Nathan and Haley made their way over to the table and joined them.

Nathan placed his hand over Haley's and then shook his head. "He was pretty messed up Brooke. The place was a mess and he had thrown up every where including on himself. He must've thrown that picture frame of you across the living room 'cause I found it on the floor the glass shattered."

Brooke's heart started pacing. She hated what Nathan was telling her. It pained her heart.

"When I got him to his bed he started yelling at me and then his mood suddenly changed and thought I was you, Brooke..."

"What?" she asked confused

"He started talking to me as if I was you." Nathan said sadly and Haley placed a hand on his back. "This morning he flipped out" he told them and pointed to his jaw that was starting to bruise.

"He hit you?" Brooke asked upset "God! I'm so sorry, Nathan. I really am. I wish he would just understand that we want what's best for him and are just trying to help"

"Where is he anyway?" Haley asked "I saw his car outside." she stated.

"Asleep. He's in the guest room" Brooke informed her. "I was ready to give up on him yesterday but I really don't think I am. He's such a big part of my life"

"I really wish there was something I could do, Brooke" Haley told her "But you know he won't let any of us in. Not even his own brother. You're the only one left. He had such a great life ahead of him and I can't believe my best friend turned out this way."

"None of us thought he would turn out this way, Haley" Jake said. "We knew it was going to be hard but he went down the wrong path. He didn't deal with it the way he was suppose to. I can't believe we all missed it by the time it was too late. He was in way too deep. Damn it!" Jake slammed his hand on the table and stood up pushing his chair up. "How could we _all _miss it! Brooke you were with him the most how could you not see it!" Jake was becoming angry now.

Lucas was Jake's best friend. They met freshman year of high school during basketball try outs and really got along from the moment they met. When ever he had problems with Peyton he could always go to Lucas for advice. He always knew the right things to say and vice versa for Lucas and Brooke. When he found that Lucas was doing drugs he couldn't believe it. It was a shock to him. Lucas and drugs just never went together but when Jake went to confront Lucas he could see that he was already on something. He tried to talking to him about it several times but Lucas always shut him out and eventually Jake walked out of his Lucas' life with Peyton on his side.

"I don't know, Jake! I don't know! God, I don't fucking know!" she yelled back at him.

"Will you both just shut up!" Peyton exclaimed.

"Dude, just chill" Nathan said to Jake.

"What ever" Jake said walking out of the kitchen to cool down. He knew he sort of lost it in there but Lucas still did mean a lot to him.

Brooke went upstairs to check up on Lucas. Upon entering his room she saw him shivering and quickly made her way over and sat on the bed next to him. She rubbed her hand up and down his arm to try and warm him up.

"Luke, honey, you okay?" she whispered in his ear. She stroked his back lightly with her hand. "Baby, lets go home." she said nudging him a little but he didn't wake. "Baby." she said in a louder tone "Wake up Luke" she furrowed her eye brows in a worry "Lucas" she said nudging once more and then heard him groan and she let out a sigh of relief

"Brooke" he said with his eyes still closed.

"Yeah, I'm here" she replied placing a soft kiss on his lips.

His eyes stayed closed and he smiled "I'm glad you're here."

She ran her hand through his hair. "I need you to get better, Luke, okay. Tell me you'll get better."

"I promise I will. I'll do it for you" he said opening his eyes.

"Do it for you too, Luke, not just me"

"Will you hold me, Brooke? I'm cold" he told her and she nodded. She laid down next to him face to face and she draped her arm over him and they pulled in closer to each other. "I feel good in your arms. I feel safe." She didn't say anything to this she only listened. "You're the only reason worth living, Brooke. You're the only reason I want to stay alive you know that"

She brought her hand up and placed it on the side of his face. "Lucas, don't say that. You have more reason to be living than just me okay."

"No I don't" he replied

"Listen to me, I don't want to hear you say that again okay. I want you to believe in more than just me. Believe in yourself and know that you can make something out of your life. You're life is worth something. Promise me that you understand that."

He stayed quiet and took a few breaths before answering. "I promise" he said and moved his head closer and placed a light kiss on her lips. "I love you" he whispered.

"I love you too" she whispered back.

And they stayed there in each other's arms believing that they'd be able to overcome anything that lied ahead for them.

**Oh Fuck The World**

**Just A Boy And A Girlfriend **

**But It's That Leach You'll Have To Shake**

**Through The Love We'll Need To Make**

**But You Really Have To Understand**

**We'll Build A Water Slide**

**If You're Brave Enough To Hold My Hand**


	4. The Answer

**Chapter 3**

**The Answer**

Lucas opened his eyes and looked around not recognizing the room. He looked out the window and saw nurses up and down the halls. He touched his head softly as it was pounding a horrific pain. He looked down the bed and saw a cast around his leg. He looked over at the chair in the corner and there she slept. Her long dark hair fell off her shoulders just perfectly. She looked like an angel with the sun glaring in through the window. "Brooke" he could barely call out her name. His throat was so dry. He tried to reach for a bottle of water on the table next to his bed but couldn't reach. He tipped it over and it caused a loud sound when it hit the floor causing it to wake up Brooke.

Brooke abruptly got up when hearing the bottle drop. "Oh my God" she said startled. She looked over at Lucas and saw he was awake. "Lucas, oh my God you're awake" She rushed to his bedside and gave him a soft kiss. She couldn't believe he was finally awake after a 5 days. "I was so scared" she cried, "I was scared you were never going to wake up." Lucas looked at her confused.

"What happened, Brooke? Why am I here?" Lucas questioned.

"You don't remember?" Brooke replied. Lucas shook his head. Brooke didn't know how he was going to take the news. She couldn't tell him now. She didn't know how he was going to react. He had just woken up. It was going to devastate him. It just wasn't the right time. "Baby, I'm going to get the doctor in here to check up on you. We'll talk about it later but I need to know you'll be okay. I need the doctor to look at you. I'll be right back" She walked out of the room and went in search for a doctor.

Lucas tried hard to remember what it could've been that got him in there. He remembered he was driving. He blinked a few times and furrowed his eyebrows. His head was hurting. "Lily" he whispered. "She was in the back seat." Bits and pieces were coming back to him but nothing was clear. "_Watch out!" _ He remembered those words so clearly as if they were being yelled right next to him in that moment he was in bed. The voice belong to Karen, his mother. Karen and Lily were in the car with him. "Brooke" he managed to let out a little loud. "Brooke" he repeated. "Brooke!" he said again.

A nurse and doctor came rushing in to the room. Lucas was uneasy and anxious he wanted to get off the bed and see where his mom and sister were. "I need to see my mom. Where is she? Where's Lily?!" he yelled.

"Lucas, calm down take it easy" the doctor said. Lucas began pulling off the IVs out of his skin. "Lucas, calm down!" The machines beeping noises started going off. "We need to stabilize him stat" the nurse nodded. She injected him and he slowly began to nod off. Brooke stood in the doorway with her hand over her mouth in tears. She couldn't believe the sight.

The doctor and nurse came out of the room to speak with Brooke. She was devastated. The nurse went to her desk and the doctor stayed with Brooke. "Is he going to be okay, Doctor? Please tell me he is going to be okay." Brooke pleaded.

"He's going to wake up shortly and you will have to tell him. I can be there with you in case he gets anxious again. It's going to be hard. Try to keep him as calm as possible. Is there anyone else who can be here with you?"

"I can call his brother, Nathan. I need to let them know what's going on anyways." Brooke informed him. The doctor nodded and walked off. Brooke went to the cafeteria for some hot tea. She sat at one of the tables and then got her phone out and dialed Nathan's number. She heard the rings and waited for him to pick up. "Nathan, hi." She said. "Yes, he woke up but they had to put him out because he was trying to get out of bed…No, I haven't told him yet. He started remembering and that's what got him uneasy. Can you and Haley come by so you can be there when he wakes up and I need to tell him…Thank you Nate., I'll see you guys soon" Brooke hung up the phone.

A couple hours passed and Brooke just sat there watching her boyfriend lay asleep. Even asleep he looked anxious. Haley came next to her and placed her hand on Brooke's shoulder as reassurance that everything would be okay. "We're here for you, Brooke. For both of you" Haley told her.

"Anything you need, Brooke, just let us know" Nathan said to her. He stood against one of the room's walls. Waiting for both girls for Lucas to wake up. Lucas stirred in the hospital bed and slowly opened his eyes. He blinked a few times until his vision cleared. He saw his brother, best friend, and girlfriend there in the room. Brooke stood up and walked to his bedside and took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Hi baby," Brooke whispered, "How are you feeling?" she asked. She took a hold of his hand. Lucas shrugged his shoulders. "I need to tell you something, Luke." She felt a lump in her throat form. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you and I always will be. We all are" She looked at both Nathan and Haley. "And I love you so much" She urged.

"What is it, Brooke?" He said groggily and with a worried look on his face. He knew what was coming. He had an idea of what was coming at least. His heart was beating fast and his stomach was in knots.

"You were in a car accident, Lucas." Brooke stated. "You had just picked up your mom from her café. She needed a ride that night."

"And Lily?" Lucas questioned.

"You were watching her for the day so she was in the back seat." Brooke paused and took a deep breath, "A drunk driver T-boned you're car at an intersection, Lucas." Brooke choked up.

"Are they going to be okay? I want to see my mom and Lily. Where are they?" Lucas asked.

Brooke's voice cracked, "Lucas, baby." She pressed her lips together struggling to get the words out. Nathan and Haley looked on tears stung their eyes. Tears escaped from the corner of Brooke's eyes. "Honey, I'm so sorry. They…they didn't make it. The injuries were too severe." Brooke sobbed. "I'm here okay baby, I'm here." She said with her hand running through his hair. "We're going to get through this together." Lucas had a blank stare. He looked frozen. He couldn't believe it.

"Yeah, Luke, anything you need we're here for you" Nathan added. "You just let it know"

Haley had tears rolling down her cheeks. "You won't go through this alone. Like Nathan said anything you need we're here."

Lucas stayed silent. No words escaped his mouth. He didn't know what to say or how to act. It felt surreal. Was he really there? Was this really happening? He just couldn't believe it.

"Lucas, say something" Brooke pleaded.

"I should've seen the driver coming. I should've been more aware. Now they're gone. Just like _that_" He said flatly. "They're gone."

"Lucas, this isn't your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself for it" Brooke said.

"But it is. I was driving. I should've been more aware of my surroundings. It was late and I should've seen the driver. How could I be so careless?" Lucas said stunned.

Brooke opened the front door of her and Lucas' house. He entered with crutches under her armpits. He hadn't shaved and his hair was messy. "Let's get you into bed," Brooke told him. She took him to their bedroom and he sat back on the bed. Brooke grabbed the crutches and set them against the wall. "Here is some water and your pain medication," she gave him the pills and then the water. "I'm going to tidy up a bit just call my name if you need me sweetie. Get some rest" She placed a soft kiss on his forehead. He nodded.

Lucas hadn't said much since he had woken up at the hospital. Brooke didn't know what else she could do other than be by his side every moment. She tried talking to him getting him to open up but he just gave one-word answers. He showed no emotion. Brooke tried cleaning the house up. She started to tidy up the living room. She was really just pacing the room. She felt anxious. She wanted him to open up to her. She wanted it badly. She fell back on the couch and cried. Her heart was breaking seeing Lucas in that state.

Lucas looked over to one of the bedroom walls. It was picture frame collage that said "Family." There was a picture of him and Brooke in one frame. Then there was one of Nathan, Haley, Brooke, and himself. In the other frame was a picture of him with Lily and Karen. Tears started streaming down his face and he sobbed. "Why" he said to himself "Why did this have to happen? It's my fault, damn it!" He looked over on the nightstand and there was the pill bottle with his pain medication. He opened it and had 2 more. Anger started to fill his body. He didn't understand what he did to deserve this. Why him? Everything was going perfectly. He grabbed the lamp that was on the nightstand and threw it with all his might at the wall. Brooke hurried into the room and saw the shattered lamp on the floor and at the same time he was throwing the glass of water at the same wall causing Brooke to dodge.

"Lucas!" Brooke said shocked. Lucas buried his face in his hands.

"I don't know what to do, Brooke! I don't know what to do! I can't…I don't want to be here…" Lucas sobbed. Brooke rushed to the bed and cradled Lucas.

"Shh…" Brooke said, "I'm here and I'm not going to leave you. Come on, lets lay down" she said as they laid their bodies on the bed. Lucas shortly drifted off to sleep. Those last 2 pills knocked him out. He didn't have to feel anything anymore. He didn't have to hurt if he was asleep. It was better that way he thought. "I love you, Lucas"

Present Day

Lucas was asleep and Brooke sat up on the bed and looked over at him. She couldn't keep coming back to him like this all the time. It was too hard. But she couldn't just leave him like that. She needed to make sure that he was going to be okay and that was going to be taken care of. But she knew she couldn't do it anymore. She got up quietly making sure not to make a noise to not wake him. She snuck out of the room and went to the kitchen where her 4 friends were gathered.

"How are you feeling?" Peyton questioned the brunette.

Brooke sighed, "the best someone could feel at this point..." She took a seat at the table. "I can't do this anymore but I can't just leave him alone. I can't leave him when he doesn't have _anyone_"

"He won't be alone" Nathan interjected. "I'm his brother and I'll be there for him, Brooke. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not healthy for you."

"Nathan's right," Haley agreed "you need to let go now Brooke before it's too late."

"I'm giving up on him… just like that. We were supposed to be together forever. That's what we said. That's what we told each other. We were going to have 3 kids, live in a big house with our family and be happy and in love. It's all gone now. That dream…that future we wanted. It's just a fantasy now. " Brooke shook her head. "It's too hard. I don't sleep. I don't eat. I don't live anymore"

"Honey, this is why you need to leave him now before it gets any worse. You're killing yourself like this" Peyton told her. Jake placed his hand over Peyton's and nodded.

"I'm going to take care of him, Brooke. I promise you. You can't worry anymore. Take some time to yourself. Live you life. You're young and talented." Nathan assured her.

Brooke let out a soft breath. She knew her friends were right. It just felt so wrong to do this to him. He was the love of her life. He was the boy she thought all their dreams and wishes would come true with. And it all suddenly came to a halt. "You're right. I need to leave. I need to go. " She took a deep breath. "I need to do it now. Before he wakes up if not I won't leave." Her heart was breaking into pieces as she spoke.

Haley and Peyton's eyes stung with tears. Brooke was already crying. She said her goodbyes and gathered her things and loaded them into her car. This was it. This was going to change everything. She had to be on her own. She needed to live again. She trusted in Nathan to watch over Lucas. She got in her car, turned on the ignition, and drove. She didn't know where she was going exactly but she knew it's what she was supposed to do in that moment. She cried as she drove away from her love, Lucas. She didn't know what the future held in store for her or for him. She didn't know if they would get back together in the future. But she was ready to embark the journey that awaited her.


	5. Voice of a Friend

**Chapter 4**

**Voice of a Friend**

Sunlight cracked through the window blinds. A caused a bright orange reflection to shine on the blonde that lay in bed. He stirred a little and blinked a few times before finally opening his eyes. It took him a few moments to register where he was exactly. He looked over to see if the raven-haired girl was still lying next to him. She wasn't. A wave of disappointment washed over him when he didn't see her there. He held the right side of his head in pain. It was throbbing so hard. "Brooke" he called out hoping she was just in the bathroom. Silence. He got up from bed and made his way out of the room into the kitchen. The curly haired blonde was making a breakfast.

"It's about time you wake up," Peyton said to him. "Sit down" she ordered and he did as he was told. "Have some breakfast, you need it." She finished as she placed a plate in front of him. "Jake will be out in a minute"

"Where's Brooke?" he asked as he moved his scrambled eggs around on the plate with a fork.

"We should wait for Nathan" Peyton replied.

"Peyton, tell me, please" Lucas begged.

"Don't say anything just yet," Jake said as he entered the room. Lucas turned to see him.

"I have a right to know where she is." Lucas stood up. Jake placed his hand on Lucas' shoulder.

"Nathan will be here any minu-" he was cut off by the doorbell. "There he is now." Jake assured him.

Peyton walked out of the kitchen to answer the door. She let both Nathan and Haley inside her house. "He just woke up" she informed them and they nodded. They three friends walked into the kitchen to see Jake and Lucas sitting at the table. They took a seat next to them.

"Can someone please tell me where she is?" Lucas demanded. Everyone stayed silent. "I don't have time for this" Lucas said annoyed and stood up again.

"Sit down, Luke" Nathan ordered. Lucas didn't do as he asked. "Sit down" he said more sternly. Luke obliged. Nathan took a deep breath. "I know this isn't going to be easy for you and we want you to know we're here for you." Lucas listened as he continued. "She's gone, Luke and I'm sorry."

"What do you mean she's gone?" he questioned.

"Lucas, she couldn't deal with you anymore. It was killing her. She didn't want to leave but she knew she had to. She can't be with you when you abuse drugs this way. She's tried to get you help. We all have. It was too much for her to handle on her own." Haley informed him.

"We were going to get through this together. She told me. She said we would face whatever came at us together. How could she do this?"

"Look, I'm here for you, Luke. I want to help you get better. I'll take you to rehab, therapy anywhere you need to go. We're going to get you better again. How it use to be."

"It will _never _be like that again," Lucas said firmly. His mom and sister would never be back. They were gone.

"Lucas," Peyton said sympathetically "You need to get better. If you ever want to be with Brooke again, you're going to have to. You're going to need to be 100% dedication and effort."

Lucas sat there at the table taking in all this information. He had a blank stare on his face. He was in his own little world now. Jake, Peyton, Nathan, and Haley all started saying what they felt and had on their mind but Lucas just blocked it all out. All he thought about was Brooke. Where was she? Where did she go? Did she miss him? Did she still love him? Did she leave because she didn't love him anymore? They were supposed to be together forever.

"So will you let me take you?" Nathan asked. Lucas didn't respond. "Lucas?" Nathan said a little louder.

Lucas snapped out of his daydream. "Huh?"

"Will you let me take you today; to the rehab center. We will get you checked in and start getting you back to who you use to be." Nathan explained.

Lucas had sweat droplets forming on his forehead. Rehab? He thought to himself. He knew it's where he was supposed to be. Brooke had taken him there before but it never lasted. He could never stay there long enough. It was like an anxiety took over him when he was there. He hated it. But if he loved Brooke so much he should've fought through his demons. He should've done it for her. Now everything is what he should've done. She would've been there still. They probably would've been happy.

"We'll be there every step of the way," Haley assured him. And everyone agreed.

Lucas let out a deep sigh. "I want her support too. I need her here"

"Lucas, sweetie, there is no doubt that she supports you. She might not physically be here right now but she supports you. She's in your heart and you're in hers. You both need to do this right now" Peyton told him.

Lucas was struggling with the fact of rehab. All he wanted to do right now is have more LSD. That would mask his sadness and pain. That would let him forget Brooke was gone. That would get him through anything. That is, until it wears off, and all the same problems he had before were still there. He saw the four friends in front of him staring at him with sympathy and concern. He knew they cared for him. He had just gotten so out of hand. He lost his way. "Okay."

"You'll go?" Haley asked. Lucas nodded.

Brooke drove the open highway. She had tears streaming down her face. She felt so guilty for leaving Lucas behind. She wanted to help him. She wanted to be the one who got him better. But she wasn't good enough to do that. He was never going to stop.

She made a phone call as she drove. She needed a place to crash. She called up a good friend of hers that didn't live too far out of Tree Hill. She pulled into the driveway of her red-haired friends large house. Rachel saw the car pulling in and walked outside to greet her friend. Brooke stepped out of the car and Rachel went to her. Rachel wrapped her arms around her long time friend and let Brooke cry. She let her cry and cry on her shoulder as long as she needed too.

"It's going to be okay, Brooke, I promise." Rachel said as she held her in a tight hug. "I'm here for you now. You'll stay in the guest room and you'll pull through this one, okay?"

"Am I wrong for doing this? I'm giving up on him." Brooke cried.

"You're not giving up. He gave up. You were there for him. You've been there through everything. This is not your fault. He needs to get his life together he can't tear yours down. Nathan is there now to watch over him. Lucas will come to realize one day what you did was the correct thing to do." Rachel wanted her to understand. "Lets get you inside"

After Brooke had settled in the guest room unpacking all her things she went downstairs and met Rachel in the living room. Rachel had a cup of hot tea sitting for Brooke. She handed her the cup and rubbed her arm letting her know everything would be fine.

"Rachel, it was the last straw. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. The vomiting, the sweating, the yelling, the trips he would have, it just…it just was overwhelming me. He doesn't work so I have to pay all the bills from what ever I make at the boutique and that's it. I didn't know what else to do. I cry every night. I barely eat. I feel so depressed."

"We're going to get you all better, Brooke. We're going to get your mind off him for a while. We'll have girl's night and just have fun and enjoy your life. We'll tell Peyton and Haley to come visit. And you know hopefully he will decide to get the help he needs and fight for you. Because you know that boy won't let it go just like this. He is going to fight for you like hell." Brooke nodded as Rachel spoke.

Brooke didn't know what was going to be ahead of her. She prayed that Nathan would take good care of Lucas. She prayed that he would get the help he needed. She was so in love with him but he wasn't the same person he was when they were first together. He had changed drastically. She hoped that they would be together again in the future but for now she knew this was the best thing for her even if it was the hardest thing she's ever had to do and that her heart was breaking every second she was away.

**A/N : hey guys hope you're enjoying the story so far. I'd really love to continue but I'd like to know that I have readers. So please take 30 seconds of your time to leave me a review. I really don't plan on continuing the story if I don't get any reviews. **

**Thank you all who read the fic : ) **


	6. A Quiet Mind

**Chapter 5 **

**A Quiet Mind**

Six months had passed since Brooke had left Lucas. It was a big struggle but everyway she felt a little better with herself. She hadn't spoken to him once though she did check in with Nathan and Haley to see how everything was. She had just talked to Nathan before getting to that bar and he said _everything_ was perfect. Rachel was being so great with her too. She was there when Brooke needed a shoulder to cry on and when she needed laugh.

Brooke's boutique was doing better than ever. She had just released her new line and it was doing amazing. She also had just launched her online store, which skyrocketed. It seemed as though nothing could wrong. She had great friends; she was successful and was feeling better with her life. But there always seem to be a void, the void in her heart. She knew it was going to be hard to let go and it had been. There were days she didn't even want to get out of bed but Rachel was there to help her.

Brooke was finalizing a few things at her boutique before closing up and heading home. Her phone vibrated to alert her that she had a new text. It was from Rachel. Brooke dialed her number. "Hey Rach. I'll meet you in about 20 minutes just closing up shop here…Okay yeah see you there." She finished the last few things and head out to me her best friend.

Rachel sat at a table in the wine bar and then walked in Brooke Davis. She made her way through the bar and sat down to join her friend. "I ordered you a white wine," Rachel told her.

"Thanks Rachel" she sighed. "I had such a busy day. So many orders it was overwhelming and I'm exhausted. A glass of wine sounds so perfect right now. How was your day?"

"I had a job offer today and debating whether to take it or not." Rachel explained. Brooke furrowed her eyebrows not understanding why she'd turn down the offer. "It's in LA for a month"

"Rachel, that's awesome! You need to take it! Why the hesitation?"

"I don't want to leave you alone, Brooke. I told you I'd be there for you and don't want to just up and leave for month"

"Don't be silly Rachel! You have to take it! You can't be always worrying about me. I'm better I'm promise and I'm so grateful for everything you've done already. And it's only a month so you'll be back in no time. I know how bad you've wanted to get a modeling gig out in LA. We need to celebrate" Brooke cheered.

"Are you sure?" Rachel questioned. "As long as you say it's okay"

The waiter brought two glasses of white wine and set it on the table. "Of course it's okay Rach. You can't look after me forever. I'm going to be totally fine. Don't you worry? I'm proud of you."

"This won't affect my job with Clothes over Bros right" Rachel asked.

"Not at all. Go do what you need to do" Brooke said happily and clinked glasses with her smiling friend. "To more opportunities" Brooke toasted.

Four glasses of wine each later they were laughing and having a good time. They started reminiscing of their high school days how everything was so much easier then.

"I'm sorry to interrupt" the tall brown haired man said "but you're laugh and smile are so captivating. I'm Julian," He said speaking to Brooke. Rachel gave her a soft smile and raised her eyebrows in approval.

"What a line," Brooke laughed. "Do you say that to all the women you hit on?"

Julian flashed her a smile. "It's not a line. I mean it." Brooke smiled and rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to go get some water at the bar" Rachel said getting up. Brooke flashed her a look of urge to not leave and Rachel winked and walked off.

Julian chuckled. "Mind if I take a seat?" He questioned with a huge grin.

"I suppose you could take a seat now that my friend got up" Brooke laughed. Julian took a seat.

"You really are beautiful." He said sounding sincere. "What's your name?"

Brooke took the last sip she had left of her wine. "What do you do, Julian was it?"

He noticed her dodging the question. He didn't mind. "I'm a director. Small movies. In festivals and stuff small things like that"

Brooke pressed her lips together with impression. "Wow, that's interesting. Anything I might have seen?"

"Have you ever seen 'Seven Dreams, till Tuesday'?" He asked.

"Yes! You directed that?" Brooke said impressed. "I liked that movie," she said with a smile. He smiled back at her.

"Thanks. It was a lot of work but with lots of help it got done." He explained. "Enough about me. What's your story?"

Her story she thought. Her heart dropped to her stomach as she thought about Lucas. She was having a nice conversation with this man that she just met and she was enjoying it. She felt like she was cheating on Lucas. They had been broken up for six months already though. All of sudden it just didn't feel right to be talking to Julian.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked. He placed his hand over hers so she could react. "Everything okay?"

She looked down at his hand on hers and pulled her hand back slowly. "I'm sorry. I kind of dazed there." She couldn't tell him her story that would take hours. "I own a clothing boutique not to far from here. I love to design clothes so that's what I decided to do with my life. Keeps me busy" she informed him.

"Very nice. Independent woman that's very attractive" he couldn't stop grinning.

"Oh wipe that smile off your face," she laughed.

"I know you like my smile too," he said so sure of himself.

"You are so full of it."

"Let me take you out on a date" He asked her.

She gave me a soft smile. A date she thought to herself. When was the last time she was on a date? She had been with Lucas for 4 years already. Dating seems like another life for her. What could it hurt though?

"A date?" she said out loud.

"Yeah, a date, you know where I take you out to maybe a nice dinner, we could get some drinks after, maybe go to the river walk then like a perfect gentlemen I'll go leave you back home and walk you to the door and hope that you let me give you kiss before I leave."

Brooke couldn't believe how straightforward he was with her. It wouldn't be a terrible idea. She took his cell phone that he had place on the table and started dialing her number. She hit the 'Add Contact' option and then typed her name in. She got out of the contacts and back to the main screen and handed the phone back. "My numbers in your phone give me a call to let me know what time you'll be picking me up"

"What's your name?" he asked again. He had a million contacts on that phone. Rachel had made her way back to the table already. Julian stood up and let Rachel sit down.

"Guess you'll have to figure that one out won't you Mr. Big Movie Director" She flashed him that priceless smile of hers. He did the same and walked off.

"So…?" Rachel asked as she gave a glass of water to Brooke.

"He seems like a decent guy. I guess we'll see"

"It's just a date Brooke. It'll be good for you." Rachel informed her. "Ready to head home?" Brooke finished her water and the two girls walked out of the bar together. As soon as Brooke stepped out the front door her phone rang. She gave Rachel a puzzled look not realizing who could be calling so late.

It was a number she didn't recognize.

"Hello?" she said into the phone.

"Brooke Davis. I'll pick u up at 7pm tomorrow. Text me your address beautiful and be sure to save my number under Julian Baker."

"Julian" she said with a smile. "7 it is. See you then" Brooke laughed with Rachel as they walked to their cars.

One date couldn't hurt. She couldn't just avoid these things anymore. She was single, young, and attractive. She was surprised Lucas hadn't even attempted to call her. But she knew he was doing better according to Nathan. She trusted that Nathan would help Lucas every step of the way. She knew that was the only way it could be and it seemed that it was the best choice to leave since Nathan said Lucas was on the right track.

"Damn it, Lucas!" Nathan said as he found LSD strips in Lucas' drawer. "How many more times? How many more times are you going to do this? It is physically draining. When and where the hell did you get this anyway? You were doing so well"

Lucas laid in bed in a complete daze. Everything Nathan was saying was completely blocked out.

"You missed your last meeting didn't you? Damn it Lucas. You were 5 months sober. 5 months do you know what an accomplishment that was? You can't fall off the wagon."

Lucas stuck his arm out at Nathan and started laughing. Nathan looked at him all puzzled and touched Lucas' hand and forced it down. Lucas then started hyperventilating.

"Don't! Stop it! Stop it! Don't hurt me! Get that out of my face!" Lucas said hallucinating. "Make it stop! I'm going to fall! It's so high from the floor"

He was having a bad trip now. "Crap" Nathan thought to himself. He couldn't do anything though. He had to wait and let it pass. Nathan quickly got him some water and set it on the table. He sat in a chair that he placed in the room. He waited for Lucas' bad trip to end.

Finally, Lucas woke up groggily. His mouth was dry and he was sweating profusely. The room was spinning. He closed his eyes tight hoping that it would stop. He opened them again and hoped to regain balance of the room. Nathan stirred in the chair and woke up to see his brother awake too.

He grabbed the water and gave it to Lucas. He took it and drank the whole glass. "Ahh" he said aloud when he finished the water.

"What the fuck, Lucas? What happened? You were on the right track. You missed your meeting yesterday and I come home to see you high. You can't go back to it Luke. You can't."

Lucas let out a deep breath. "Do you know what yesterday was?" Nathan shook his head. He had no idea what his brother was talking about. "March 28."

"Okay." Nathan said slowly still not sure what he was talking about.

"Yesterday would've been our 5 year anniversary, Nathan." Lucas told him. "5 years and it's all over. She didn't even call me. She hasn't called me to see if I'm okay. She left just like that. It was a fleeting moment. Did I mean nothing to her?"

"Lucas, Brooke is madly in love with you. She always will be. You guys needed this break, which means no contact. You need to show her you could get better for yourself. But not by doing this Luke. Not by slipping up."

"I bet she didn't even remember."

"Don't let this happen again Luke. Go to your next meeting. And I'm throwing this out now." Nathan said talking about the LSD he found left over.

Lucas nodded and lay back in bed. He didn't feel well. He knew he did wrong in relapsing but he felt like he hit rock bottom again. He couldn't forget her that easily. He wanted to call her. So bad. His heart was yearning for her. He wanted to feel her soft and smooth skin. And brush his lips against hers. Hear her laugh again and seeing those green eyes that would make him melt. God, he missed her.

Nathan started walking out of the room.

"Nathan," he called out "I won't miss my meeting. It was weak moment. Won't happen again. Thank you for everything you and Haley have been doing." Nathan nodded.

Lucas fidgeted with his fingers in bed. He had problems. It was one of the hardest things he's ever done. The feeling the drug gave him wasn't the same as it use to be though. It was scary. He knew he couldn't go back to it. His body wanted it at the same time though and his brain couldn't handle it anymore. It was a bad demon he was struggling with himself that he had to keep fighting on.

**A/N: Thank you for the review and for the new follower. Please continue to review. Thanks!**


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